Je ne regrette rien *slight adult content*

Brandin worked for Circuit City when it went under and the stress of him being "off work" took it's toll on our relationship... the best way i can explain it is... here lets see if you can track with me "when i was a kid i remember going to a birthday party for my cousin, it was a pool party but i remember sneaking in the house with my cousin and eating the whole underside of the cake, when it was time to cut the cake, the knife went through and half the cake toppled over" that in a way is what's going on with Brandin and I, through out the last couple of years things have been thrown our way, hurts have been made, and poor choices have been a constant, but he was working all the time, and i had Ethan (then to our surprise Abigail) so things got pushed farther and farther under the proverbial carpet, when he lost his job, we spent every waking moment with each other... every... waking... moment... and we were forced to really look at our life and take a stand... take back control so to speak... i realized i loved him, i loved him for being Ethan and Abby's daddy, i loved him because we had been together for so long, i loved him for being my first... everything, i loved him for being a good friend... but being in love was completely different... we weren't passionate anymore, we weren't lovers, we had sex as a physical necessity.... just a need that was met. there was no "i love this man, and want to be connected with him" it was just.... it's been awhile... he didn't like it at first, but i think he's getting used to the idea, we were meant for each other for a season, we made allot of choices, grew up, had set backs, leaned on each other, figured it out, came to blows, yelled, kissed, loved, hated... you name it we experienced it, and i can't regret it. i can't regret him, but your first love isn't always your true love. i wouldn't be the woman i am today without him, i wouldn't have been forced to grow up without him (in a good way) there are allot of things i wouldn't be without him, and i'm grateful. "Je ne Regrette Rien"

*not actually* drunken blog

So this isn't the real thing, but i'm going to do it now and see if i can, then if i can do it, i'm going to actually blog tomarrow night after a night of drinking... lets see how entertaining i can be ;)
so as of now it's wearing off. but lets see what kind of trouble i can get into, i've twittered like 2497523094 times about Peter Facinelli, but he still wouldn't respond because apparently i'm not cool enough (you should still follow him though) ummm i find drunk peeing funny... there is something about pissing when your piss drunk thats is amusing. like tonight, i had to go so bad while we were driving i didn't think i was going to make it, then i pulled a britney because i couldn't find my shoes so i went into the public rest stop barefoot, then i couldn't lock the door right, then i couldn't sit up straight, but i ended up making it, and washing my hands afterward, then i couldn't find my current spouse, so i was standing in the wet grass chasing a bunny that was skinny and kind of not cute and bunny like, until i found my ride getting snacks, so i was calling him telling him about the bunny i saw, and he was laughing at me, so then i walked to the car and was very upset because i kept losing my phone, not a serious losing but like a it was sitting in the seat everytime i got back to the car because i would be sitting on it kind of loseing it. Brandin is to nice to me when i'm drinking, i ask for food he gets it for me, even if i change my mind (i.e. i asked for frenchfrys but i didn't like the bitch at the window, so i wanted to go eat somewhere else) and now i'm super tired, but can't sleep. so i decided to blog. so here i am. good night ROFL

Over Reaction

B is freaking out asking me to ask my parents for money until friday because he's been commuting four hours everyday to his job (because his apartment isn't ready) and we're coming up short for gas, so i go dig in my purse and take everything i have out, which is a measly 15 dollars but hey it's a day's worth of gas at least. and he complains for an hour on how it's only good enough for acouple of days blah blah blah, and i couldn't help but think "am i ever good enough" so it may be a over reaction to this situation but it's so many times over time that i can't help but feel like everything is leading to that conclution, i'm never good enough, every aspect of me just fails to be completely what he needs, did i get this from him freaking out over 15 dollars no, but it's how i feel non the less.

The randomness that is me

hm, lets see, i think my devotion to twilight is failing, I'm actually getting quite annoyed with reading things about the cast, if i hear one more Robert Pattinson story (about boning Kristen Stewart or not) I'm going to brake something, seriously, who gives a crap. although the winning the best kiss award (warranted or not) on MTV was pretty funny. and the trailer looked awesome, i just might be in love with Chris Weitz.